| Once upon a time the Lap Gochi would patrol the | | | | reason to. |
| streets of the Welsh highlands like gayly-dressed | | | | Critics of the ancient art have suggested that this |
| Samurai - their colourful costumes belieing the terrible | | | | makes Lap Goch a simple form of thugery, as it |
| carnage that could be unleashed with a simple flick of | | | | generally involves assaulting complete strangers in the |
| their brochfael (the preferred weapon of the Lap | | | | street, long before they might form any notion of |
| Goch masters that resembles an innocuous oversized | | | | attacking the Lap Goch exponent. |
| handkerchief). | | | | The criticism is valid, so far as it goes, but it illustrates |
| Even then, practitioners who shared the deadly | | | | too how the Lap Goch master always stays one |
| techniques with outsiders were forced to pull their own | | | | move ahead in the game. He attacks not only his |
| heads off in front of the entire village as a form of | | | | enemies, but also those who may one day become |
| punishment. Nowadays the secrets of Rhyddfedd and | | | | his enemies. And indeed, amongst the Lap Goch |
| Freckleddll are passed on only to those select few | | | | masters, their premonitions are rarely found to be at |
| who are invited into the remote villages where the | | | | fault. Over time, almost all of those whom they attack |
| remaining Lap Goch masters meet to mentor a new | | | | do become their enemies! |
| generation of Welsh warriors. | | | | There is no doubt that the recent resurgence of |
| Even so, the fundamental principles of Lap Goch are | | | | interest in the ancient Welsh art has been laregely due |
| well known. There are two: | | | | to the rumours that the current American President, |
| 1. That the best form of defence is attack | | | | George W. Bush, is himself a master of the art! |
| 2. That the most important element in a successful | | | | Certainly the principles of Lap Goch seem to be at the |
| attack is surprise | | | | heart of the President's foreign policy, though this in |
| The Lap Goch practitioner is therefore taught to | | | | itself is not conclusive. |
| suprise his opponent by attacking him before he is | | | | Certainly the Bush-Lap Goch link would help explain the |
| himself attacked. Indeed, he will attack his opponent, | | | | President's otherwise incomprehensible strategy in the |
| not only before he is actually attacked, but before his | | | | Middle East. It may also help to identity those odd |
| opponent has even considered attacking him. Indeed, | | | | figures, dressed in braces and tall black hats, who |
| to be safe, he will launch attacks on a variety of | | | | have been seen frequently amongst the President's |
| people who have never even so much as thought | | | | group of advisors. |
| about attacking him because they have never had any | | | | |